Checklist for Visiting an Elderly Parent: What to Look For

You see your parent a few times a year — maybe holidays, maybe a summer weekend. Because you're not there daily, you notice things that the local sibling has slowly normalised. That makes your visit a diagnostic opportunity.

But walking through the door with worry in your eyes and immediately asking "Are you okay?" puts your parent on the defensive. A better approach: observe quietly during the first few hours, note specific things, and then decide whether and how to bring them up.

Here's a structured checklist, organised by what you'll encounter in roughly chronological order during a visit.

The Driveway and Exterior

Before you even walk in the door:

• New dents, scrapes, or paint transfers on the car
• Scuff marks or damage on the garage door or walls
• Overflowing mailbox or packages left outside
• Lawn and garden maintenance visibly declined
• Walkway hazards: cracked pavement, loose steps, poor lighting
• Newspapers or circulars piling up

The Kitchen

Open the fridge as if you're getting yourself a drink:

• Expired milk, mouldy leftovers, or spoiled produce
• Very little fresh food — mostly condiments and old takeout containers
• Scorched pots, burn marks on countertops, or a greasy stove
• Dirty dishes piling up beyond their normal routine
• Spoiled food still in the fridge (they may not notice the smell)
• Unfamiliar or excessive amounts of junk food replacing balanced meals

The Bathroom

When you use the bathroom, take thirty extra seconds:

• Is the toilet area clean? Any signs of incontinence?
• Are there grab bars near the toilet and in the shower/tub?
• Is the floor slippery? Any non-slip mats?
• Are towels or clothes piled on the floor?
• Do you notice any unusual odour?
• Check the medicine cabinet: expired prescriptions, duplicate bottles, or medications you don't recognise

The Living Spaces

• Clutter that has accumulated since your last visit — piles of newspapers, magazines, unopened mail
• Stains on furniture or carpet that weren't there before
• An unusual smell in the home
• Broken items that haven't been repaired (a lamp, a door handle, a window latch)
• Temperature extremes — is the heating/cooling set appropriately for the season?
• Throw rugs in walkways (a major trip hazard)

Your Parent's Appearance

• Clothing clean and appropriate for the weather?
• Have they lost or gained noticeable weight?
• Personal grooming: hair washed, nails trimmed, teeth brushed?
• Bruises, especially on forearms, shins, or hips (potential fall evidence)
• Walking pattern: shuffling, holding onto furniture, unsteady on stairs?

Their Behaviour During the Visit

• Repeating the same story or question without realising
• Difficulty following a conversation or losing the thread
• Mood that seems different from their baseline — more anxious, more passive, more irritable
• Reluctance to go out or mention of cancelled activities
• Any confusion about the day, date, or recent events
• Trouble remembering names of people they know well

The Desk or Bill-Paying Area

If you can casually glance at their desk or mail area:

• Unopened bills or correspondence
• Late payment notices or collection letters
• Piles of sweepstakes mail or lottery materials (a scam indicator)
• Multiple copies of the same magazine subscription
• Cheques written for unusual amounts or to unfamiliar names

What to Do With Your Observations

Write everything down after the visit — specific observations with dates. Not "the house seemed messy" but "three expired containers in the fridge dated May, burn mark on the counter near the stove, and she told me the story about the neighbour's dog three times."

This record serves you in three ways: it gives you something concrete to discuss with siblings, it provides useful information for their doctor, and it creates a baseline to measure against on your next visit.

If what you're seeing concerns you, the Warning Signs Assessment Toolkit provides a structured scoring system that turns these observations into an objective assessment — ADL and IADL scores, a home safety audit form, and conversation scripts for raising concerns without triggering defensiveness.

One weekend visit, with intentional observation, can tell you more about your parent's real situation than months of phone calls where they assure you everything is fine.