Can't Cope Looking After Elderly Parent Wales: What to Do Next

You're exhausted. You're managing your parent's medications, handling their appointments, checking on them daily, and it's affecting your health, your relationships, and your ability to work. This isn't sustainable, and you know it — but you don't know what else to do. If you're in Wales, there are specific support systems designed for exactly this situation.

You Have Legal Rights as a Carer

Under Section 24 of the Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014, anyone providing regular unpaid care has the right to a carer's needs assessment. This is separate from your parent's care assessment and focuses entirely on your well-being — your physical and mental health, your ability to continue caring, and the impact on your work and social life.

Contact your parent's local council and ask for a carer's assessment. This can lead to:

• Respite care — temporary residential placement for your parent (charged at a maximum of £100 per week under the non-residential cap for up to 8 weeks)
• Increased home care — additional domiciliary visits to reduce the burden on you
• Counselling and emotional support — referrals to carers' organisations and peer groups
• Flexible breaks — replacement care that lets you work, rest, or simply exist as something other than a carer

When Your Parent Refuses Help

One of the most common reasons families reach breaking point is a parent who refuses outside care. They insist they're fine, they don't want strangers in the house, they don't need help. Meanwhile, you can see they're not managing.

If your parent has mental capacity, they have the right to refuse care — even if that decision seems unwise. What you can do:

• Request the care assessment anyway — the council can't assess without your parent's consent, but they can offer an initial "what matters" conversation that feels less threatening than a formal assessment
• Start small — a few hours of cleaning or shopping help may be accepted more easily than personal care
• Involve their GP — a trusted doctor recommending support carries more weight than a family member saying the same thing
• Document the risks — if your parent is genuinely at risk (falls, missed medication, self-neglect), the council has safeguarding duties that can override refusal in extreme cases

When Siblings Disagree

Eldercare decisions fracture families. One sibling wants Mum in a care home, another insists she should stay at home. One sibling lives nearby and does all the work, another lives far away and has opinions but no involvement.

There's no legal mechanism to resolve sibling disputes about care decisions — unless one sibling holds a lasting power of attorney, in which case the attorney makes the decisions. Without an LPA, no family member has automatic legal authority over another's care preferences.

What helps: a structured family meeting with clear information about the options, costs, and your parent's wishes. Having the actual numbers — what home care costs versus residential care, what the council will fund, what each sibling can contribute — turns emotional arguments into practical decisions.

The Immediate Steps

If you're at crisis point:

1. Call your parent's council adult services team and request both a care needs assessment for your parent and a carer's assessment for yourself
2. Contact Age Cymru's advice line — free, Wales-specific advice on the options available
3. See your own GP — carer burnout has real health consequences, and a medical record of the impact supports your case for more support
4. Stop doing everything — identify which tasks a professional service could take over and which genuinely need family involvement

The Wales Elder Care Guide covers the full range of support options available in Wales, from initial assessment through to long-term care arrangements, including how to navigate family disagreements about care decisions.

See more Wales guides →